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By the time I finished college in 1994, the possibility of spreading the virus even when you didn't have an outbreak had become more widely accepted by health care providers.
Many people are unaware they have it, because they don't experience symptoms or because they attribute the symptoms to something else. Years later, I've come to the realization that he knew he had herpes, and that is the reason he stopped in the midst of our sexual adventure.
During an outbreak, blisters or sores appear on or around the genital area. The nurse taught me how to manage the virus, but managing my personal life was another story. Our friendship, unfortunately, ended as quickly as the act.
When I confronted my friend about the situation, I asked if he knew that he had herpes. It was hard enough to face the fact that we'd had sex, or tried to, and it was much harder to cope with the fact that I had caught an incurable sexually transmitted disease.
In 1989, when I got herpes, the nurse told me I couldn't transmit the virus unless I was having an outbreak.