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Once adrenaline is flooding our bodies, we are rendered incapable of empathetic conversation. When you sense your temper rising, either take a break, or interject with some humor. Resist the pattern of turning down every request your husband and wife makes.
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Your goal in a relationship is not to avoid these conflict situations, or punish yourself when they happen, but rather process the damage done and make repair. I teach my daughters that for every offense they commit to one another, they must actively seek three to five good things to do in reparation for them.
Repairs also help maintain the positive balance in the relationship. These skills will not only help you in your marriage, but they will help you as a parent when you teach your children positive methods of self-soothing.
While active listening seems like a good idea in theory, it almost never is practiced or works in real life settings, because if there is any negativity at all, the listener finds that hard to ignore and will usually react to it.
One of the biggest indicators for a successful relationship is having a “soft” start-up.