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One could say that we constantly deal with the opposite of our experience even if that is unconscious.As we become closer to our beloved and feel connected to them, our experience is defined by the possibility of separation.Page discusses the two groups of involuntary singles: those who want a relationship but haven’t found the right person yet, and those who consciously or unconsciously are ambivalent.Both types say they want a relationship but the ambivalent find these things equally or more important: The good news is there are ways to minimize your ambivalence and take control of your desire for a relationship.Ambivalence occurs in intimate relationships when there is a coexistence of opposing emotions and desires towards the other person that creates an uncertainty about being in the relationship.
Ambivalence and confusion can be temporary states in all relationships, as we take time to resolve opposing or new information.“No” has been considered and rejected, however fleetingly, and my “yes” has the quality of certainty.If my desire to say “no” interferes with my “yes,” it will be said with hesitation and doubt, and a lingering uneasy feeling that causes me to hold back; I am unable to fully commit to that “yes.” So not only does the opposite polarity define my experience but the degree to which I have integrated it into my consciousness will also affect my experience.Be realistic about your goals – “You will not be able to silence all the competing voices in your head,” Page writes.Instead, you want to be able to make a confident decision in the face of these divergent opinions.
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Ambivalence is a wonderful safety valve that encourages you to carefully consider important decisions.