Atlantic monthly online dating
Maybe choice overload applies a little differently than Slater imagined.
Maybe the problem is not the people who date and date some more—they might even get married, if Rosenfeld is right—but those who are so daunted that they don’t make it off the couch.
The share of Americans who say sex between unmarried adults is “not wrong at all” is at an all-time high. Most women can—at last—get birth control for free, and the morning-after pill without a prescription.
If hookups are your thing, Grindr and Tinder offer the prospect of casual sex within the hour.
I’m happy to be good at it, but what am I really achieving?
As Iris, who’s 33, told me bitterly, “They’ve gamified interaction.The phrase If something exists, there is porn of it used to be a clever internet meme; now it’s a truism.BDSM plays at the local multiplex—but why bother going?This disparity raises the possibility that the sex recession may be a mostly heterosexual phenomenon.)In all dating markets, apps appear to be most helpful to the highly photogenic.As Emma, a 26-year-old virgin who sporadically tries her luck with online dating, glumly told me, “Dating apps make it easy for hot people—who already have the easiest time.” Christian Rudder, a co-founder of Ok Cupid (one of the less appearance-centric dating services, in that it encourages detailed written profiles), reported in 2009 that the male users who were rated most physically attractive by female users got 11 times as many messages as the lowest-rated men did; medium-rated men received about four times as many messages.
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Slater writes, “What if the prospect of finding an ever-more-compatible mate with the click of a mouse means a future of relationship instability?